The summer days it's easy to entertain your single self, even just reading a book at the park with the dog. But the cold days, like the -18 and snowing it is today. You opt to stay in. But you've already been doing that for weeks since winter kicked in. And the holidays... Don't even get me started on how much they rub in how single you really are. They certainly do not help.
So much time spent indoors, leaves more time to thinking, thinking that leads to questioning, and questioning that leads to feeling lonely.
When that feeling kicks in, I begin to wonder if my thoughts are accurate? Accurate in the sense that is it lonely speaking or the truth? Do I really want someone in my life right now or someone to fill the void till spring hits! Lol
I don't want to get caught in the lonely trap to then recognize what I was clearly missing in the beginning and go through heart ache months later (again and again) like a damn hamster wheel. I know I have discovered more about myself in the last year, let alone last few years, that I am more cautious to whom I'm looking to be with. I don't want someone for a few months, I want someone who has potential for so much longer than that. But lonely can be blinding. To hear the compliments you want to hear, to have the company you crave when your normally alone, to have someone to share your trials and tribulations with. Yes love. But how do you pass through the lonely fog to find someone who you could truly love and be with?
Maybe that is why I've avoided relationships for so long. Trying to define the difference between someone who is making you feel so good about yourself and just enjoying their company because they came in when you were lonely. Your relationship at first masked the truth until things got comfortable and then reality kicks in, you discover each other's flaws that you can't get over, etc. Versus someone who you actually fall in love with and can accept all their quirks and things, and the company they can deliver comes in any form. That's what true love is, isn't it?
Everyone is so rushed these days, like fast food, even that is not even fast enough for people anymore. Same goes for when one is lonely, and the need to date, you fall into wanting the fast track to fixing the problem and get caught up in the unhealthy 'fast food' relationship rather than a real home cooked, made with love kinda meal, AKA relationship.
Share your thoughts in the comments below, do you agree you've been caught up in the lonely fog? How did you discover the one you love today and that they weren't just filling the void? And please don't give me the 'you just know'. Lol
Photo by Noleime on deviantart http://noleime.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-but-not-alone-109917696
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