Single vs Relationships

I often question myself on whether me enjoying being single, especially while I feel like I am getting things in order with my career and well, my life really, is avoidance or actual truth. Do I really enjoy being single or am I afraid of of relationships and the commitment it requires?

When I am freely living on my own schedule, not having to answer to anyone and their demand for my time. I truly appreciate the easiness of it all. And then... you get comfortable in your bed one night (or on your couch if you have one, I sold mine - read my blog post on that one, an oldy but a goody: Couch Guy) you turn on Netflix and get drawn to watching one of those movies. Sometimes I am that girl who likes to watch a love story. WHY?! And I don't mean because I don't enjoy the movies themselves, but my goodness it's the worst thing you can do when you are single! Am I right ladies? it reminds you of the things you are missing that you so easily brush off with distractions of other things when you single. Like for me, work.

Tonight I was suggested the movie Mercy, by Netflix (oddly after I just watched Detachment which is no love story let me tell ya. Powerful movie to watch though.) It was late, not able to sleep anyway, so sure I'll watch another movie, this looks interesting. I actually enjoyed it. But it was one of those love stories that gets ya, where you truly feel the love one has for the other character. One that while you are watching them meet, fall in love, etc it makes you think of being single yourself and start missing that feeling of someone so interested in you, so in love with you, that it hurst to not have you in their life. I've been there, I know what that feels like. It also certainly makes you evaluate your situation of laying there all alone eating junk food at one in the morning in bed, and alone. Did I mention alone?

My "Team Single" side of me is like, get over it and stretch out and enjoy having the entire bed to yourself, this is awesome! (Aside from my cat and dog that seem to take up an awful amount of room in my bed)

The "Team Relationship" side (which is more the team my friends are on, and not me lol) makes you think about what you are missing, no matter how complicated the can be. It's having someone. The other day a friend actually said something that stuck in my head. We were chatting about relationships vs being single and I was giving my usual 'argument' about the fact I can't have the distraction of a relationship in my life right now, because I am trying to accomplish things and I feel like I can not give the time and effort into a relationship that is fair to my partner. She said, maybe having someone in your life could be that support that can help you get where you want to go, rather than feeling alone to get there. Well, didn't she put a dent in my singles ride?

What she said, made me stop to think. Maybe my climb to the top could be that much better with someone to share it with. And on the other hand, can I truly give enough in a relationship while I am climbing to the top? I'd have to learn how to accomplish that. So far that hasn't worked out in the last couple relationships I was in. Yes there were many other reasons those relationships didn't work out as well, but when single again it felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders when I could just concentrate on my work again with out dealing with relationship 'drama'. I also often say that my son is the only man in my life that I need, and that he is the one I share my "climb to the top" with, even if he is only 9.

I think I related a bit more to the movie because of all the reasons I am asking myself questions in this post. And what and Ironic title.

mer·cy  

/ˈmərsē/

Noun

Compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm: "the boy was begging for mercy". An event to be grateful for, esp. because its occurrence prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering.

Oh life and love. You make my brain hurt sometimes.

Single vs Relationships... what's your take?