To Act On or Simply See the SIGNS

How many times have you seen a pretty girl or guy and just smiled and looked/walked away, only to leave you thinking “I should have said something” afterwards?

All too often I'm a block or two away after the moment and I come up with the perfect scenario to have just said something. Something witty or simple… anything to literally just have the balls to do it. The art of picking up, I seriously suck at. I even have scenarios with people I know or just met but in conversation with but don't know where to take the conversation from nervousness I guess. And then the moment is lost and I didn't say anything. 

This video a friend shared with me makes you think about all the moments you shouldn’t waste by feeling nervous, scared, or whatever it is.

Are the signs there and have you missed or almost missed them?

At times I feel like maybe the sign was there and I looked away shyly too quickly and to them my reaction could come across as possible rejection. I am also told that I can be very intimidating, which I find interesting cause I'll be honest and admit to how shy I actually am in ways. Especially when it comes to guys. I'm an idiot in that "obvious" department. lol Also, the hopeless romantic in me thinks if we are meant to meet they will just make the move. After all I am seeking someone with confidence (not cockiness) for someone I would want to be with. Someone with the strength to boldly take chances, yes act on those romantic impulses sometimes and also see me as worth the risk to just try, even if it’s just simply asking how my day is, make me laugh, really just make me feel comfortable. Because I will admit I am one who needs the ice to be broken for me first when it comes to guys. In career mode... I am the complete opposite, go figure. After that ice is broken though… look out.  Ha ha  

Does those bold gestures of between strangers still exist? I’d love to hear you stories.

Single vs Relationships

I often question myself on whether me enjoying being single, especially while I feel like I am getting things in order with my career and well, my life really, is avoidance or actual truth. Do I really enjoy being single or am I afraid of of relationships and the commitment it requires?

When I am freely living on my own schedule, not having to answer to anyone and their demand for my time. I truly appreciate the easiness of it all. And then... you get comfortable in your bed one night (or on your couch if you have one, I sold mine - read my blog post on that one, an oldy but a goody: Couch Guy) you turn on Netflix and get drawn to watching one of those movies. Sometimes I am that girl who likes to watch a love story. WHY?! And I don't mean because I don't enjoy the movies themselves, but my goodness it's the worst thing you can do when you are single! Am I right ladies? it reminds you of the things you are missing that you so easily brush off with distractions of other things when you single. Like for me, work.

Tonight I was suggested the movie Mercy, by Netflix (oddly after I just watched Detachment which is no love story let me tell ya. Powerful movie to watch though.) It was late, not able to sleep anyway, so sure I'll watch another movie, this looks interesting. I actually enjoyed it. But it was one of those love stories that gets ya, where you truly feel the love one has for the other character. One that while you are watching them meet, fall in love, etc it makes you think of being single yourself and start missing that feeling of someone so interested in you, so in love with you, that it hurst to not have you in their life. I've been there, I know what that feels like. It also certainly makes you evaluate your situation of laying there all alone eating junk food at one in the morning in bed, and alone. Did I mention alone?

My "Team Single" side of me is like, get over it and stretch out and enjoy having the entire bed to yourself, this is awesome! (Aside from my cat and dog that seem to take up an awful amount of room in my bed)

The "Team Relationship" side (which is more the team my friends are on, and not me lol) makes you think about what you are missing, no matter how complicated the can be. It's having someone. The other day a friend actually said something that stuck in my head. We were chatting about relationships vs being single and I was giving my usual 'argument' about the fact I can't have the distraction of a relationship in my life right now, because I am trying to accomplish things and I feel like I can not give the time and effort into a relationship that is fair to my partner. She said, maybe having someone in your life could be that support that can help you get where you want to go, rather than feeling alone to get there. Well, didn't she put a dent in my singles ride?

What she said, made me stop to think. Maybe my climb to the top could be that much better with someone to share it with. And on the other hand, can I truly give enough in a relationship while I am climbing to the top? I'd have to learn how to accomplish that. So far that hasn't worked out in the last couple relationships I was in. Yes there were many other reasons those relationships didn't work out as well, but when single again it felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders when I could just concentrate on my work again with out dealing with relationship 'drama'. I also often say that my son is the only man in my life that I need, and that he is the one I share my "climb to the top" with, even if he is only 9.

I think I related a bit more to the movie because of all the reasons I am asking myself questions in this post. And what and Ironic title.

mer·cy  

/ˈmərsē/

Noun

Compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm: "the boy was begging for mercy". An event to be grateful for, esp. because its occurrence prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering.

Oh life and love. You make my brain hurt sometimes.

Single vs Relationships... what's your take?

What is Perfect?

I have been absent for a very long time. I could come up with a lot of reasons to why I have been offline (on this blog that is) but really it only comes down to one reason, my constant reach for perfection. 

I will admit I am a HUGE perfectionist.  I felt that unless I had every post properly edited I couldn't post them. As a communication specialist, I should know better and have it just perfect right? I didn't want to admit that, even though I have thought of this post in the past. But what would people think, especially being a professional! 

I could also say that it is pretty engrained by my mother in a lot of ways, that my writing should be perfect before posting, because she always told me I should never take up English as a major because my grammar and spelling skills were/are pretty bad. She is a brilliant scholar, so it's in her nature. And it was true, my papers always bled red with mistakes. Even now, one of my brothers still taunts me publicly about my bad spelling too. No pressure right? I also have been ridiculed, and still am by friends, family, strangers and anyone else about how much I talk. So I was afraid that my blog posts were too lengthy. And through online stats, your blog shouldn't be so long, and knowing I talk too much, i should make it shorter. Also, I was afraid that some of my posts weren't the perfect story to share either.

Well this is my personal blog. I am an informative, and detailed person, not talkative. I am not here to write some prize winning article or be graded or judged on how crappy my writing, spelling, grammar or any of it is. Really this blog is pretty personal, kinda like a journal in ways that I am choosing to write publicly because I believe there may be others who may relate, and feel more human, like I do,  the more we discover who we are.  I am going to write this blog when ever and however I want, as long or short as I want and drive every one of you perfectionists crazy with ALL my mistakes. Here is how much I care.... I DON'T ANYMORE! 

Let's talk about being perfect. What is perfect? There is no such thing. There is no such thing. There is no such thing! This is a line I have been told by many, including my business coach to repeat and believe! I do try to remind myself, but to believe it, well... that is an old habit that is hard to break, but I am working on it. 

I try to think back to the "why" do I do this to myself, set such an unattainable standard. I can't think of the "why", I just need to think of a solution to move forward (Again, advice from my business coach*). Even my son does the same and has from a very young age, strive for perfection. Knowing that I struggle with perfectionism, that was one of the last traits I wanted to see him struggle with, especially already. He's a kid, he should just enjoy everything for what it is! Right?! I remind him when he gets upset about his art not working out the way he wants, or his writing or what ever it is, that it's okay to make mistakes, or are they even mistakes? Maybe that line may lead his drawing in a new direction that could be really cool. Somehow, I have rubbed off before I even knew it. In words or actions that I didn't even know I was teaching him this. I will continue to remind him there is no such thing as perfect and to accept things as they are, be grateful of the positives, and appreciate the experiences. I know I need to embrace my own words of advice that I deliver to others.  

My solution, is figuring out how to love myself, truly love myself from within my heart and not just my head. I can tell you that I believe, and I do ... well I can't say I love myself (yet), but am proud of myself and my accomplishments. I can list off all the wonderful things that others say about me, and I love to hear. But I honestly don't believe within my heart that I am good enough, I don't meet the "perfect" I set up for myself. And since there is no such thing as perfect, I will never be perfect, there for never good enough. 

Kinda silly right?

Now, as a perfectionist still at this moment, we love to procrastinate.  Which to be honest I can admit that I am using this blog today to procrastinate so I don't overwhelm myself with things I think I may fail at, or be good enough for. (If you can relate, you totally understand what I mean by that.) So I should get back to work, and nip what I need to get done in the butt. I will say though, I am proud that I have finally took to my keyboard and wrote a blog post, perfect or not. 

So this is not one of those posts that has the answers already like some self help book, it's more a work in progress. Even though I naturally strayed from writing just now to start searching for the answers on how to over come my perfectionism, with making this a more perfect post. I stopped myself. he he To follow me on my journey, share your relatable moments, or just deliver some advice, be sure to follow my blog, and post your comments below. 

I am re kicking off the whole purpose of this blog, and why I started it originally, finding me. Now I am finding me, figuring out how to love me. And challenging myself to not give up again because I was afraid of what others would think.  

Have an incredible week, and for those like me, who strive for perfect.  Here is a line I'll leave you with:

“Making a mistake does not mean I’m stupid or a failure. It only means that I am like everyone else -human. Everyone makes mistakes!” 

Do you have a personal trait that holds you back?

*As an entrepreneur a business coach is the best thing to have on speed dial. Mine, Jess Huffman of Firebringers. I can't even explain in words how amazing he has been for me. I am so grateful for have had the chance to work with him over the last 3 years and continue to do so.  

The Bucket List

Part of finding oneself is about taking risks in life and checking things off “The Bucket List” sooner rather than later. We all say “One Day”, but why not today? I believe we get too caught up in our everyday lives. Well I am proud to say, I checked off a bucket list item this past weekend: White Water Rafting. This has been on my list for wayyyy to long.

I lucked out, winning two passes at Inglewood Sunfest to go with Alpine Rafting in Golden, BC. I thought, why not, let’s do this and booked it right away!  So a big thank you to Inglewood Sunfest for tickets!

These passes were not some family river run either, thank goodness,  cause I am kind of a thrill junkie. My girlfriend Ginna and I signed up for the Kicking Horse RiverChallenge. I appreciated starting our day on the family run portion so we had a chance to get comfortable with all the “moves”, i.e. “Hold On!”,  “Forward Right”, etc.

I will plug Alpine Rafting here for an amazing experience. The guides were so great; they were funny, explained everything so well.  Lunch was great, too; unexpected to have such a great BBQ lunch spread included. When I go back, it’ll be with AlpineRafting (www.alpinerafting.com).

Ginna and I were put in the raft with the head guide, Ryan. He was our own personal tour guide who really knew his surroundings, had extensive knowledge of rafting in general and of the river; he had all the stories, the history of our surroundings, the geology, and so much more. Let alone, ladies, he was a total cutie. (Actually a lot of the guides were.)

So on to the ride… loved it. I anticipated it to be scarier than it was. However, maybe it’s a good thing it wasn’t because my hands were so sore from paddling so hard for the last long stretch of constant rapids. Paddling through the rapids is serious work out (well for those of us who don’t work out at all.)

Then there was the final stretch, calm waters… in the raft. We had the option to jump out and get your swim on. Let’s say I am SOOOO glad I never fell out the entire trip and had an accidental swimming experience in another part of the river.  I jumped out for the swim; I was all over the idea. Thought it would be an easy fun ride as he said it would be. I have swum a deep distance in the ocean plenty of times back in PEI. I love the water. Everyone else in the boat enjoyed it. For me, it ended up being a moment of the scariest shit ever! The feeling of drowning is not a comfortable feeling at all. He had warned us how our body might feel; he had explained how to react to it all beforehand, and thank goodness he did. My body did just as he said it would and I had to remind myself of how to control the situation. Number one rule from the beginning “Save Yourself”.

Why was it so scary? Well I rolled out of the boat and immediately sank under the water. Then as I swam to the surface I felt the strong current pulling me along. I barely had my head up and then a wave crashed down on my face pushing me back down. My mouth was wide open and filled with water. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and there was nothing to grab. No moment to just say “hold on, let me catch my breath.” Think of a scene from a surfing movie like Blue Crush, where the rider falls off and is caught under the waves, can’t catch her breath, struggling to swim. When you come up for air your body panics so much that it feels like it has shut down and you can’t swim. Thank goodness for my life jacket. Ryan had explained, when you feel like you can’t swim, just put your feet in front of you, knees up, and just lay back and float. So I did. I started to regain my senses and began to calm down although I was still struggling to breathe because I had swallowed too much water. Everything we had been taught came in real handy and I got back to the boat. All good.

It was an amazing day! And I highly recommend it.

FOR THE RECORD: I am not trying to scare anyone off from ever trying it. It just happened to be how I caught the water. Ginna was scared the entire trip, but the swim for her, she loved it. It was simple and easy. Go figure. Me the tough girl, “swimming will be no problem”, and I’m the baby in the end.

Absolutely a winning check off my bucket list. What’s next? 

What is on your bucket list? 

Here are some photos from our trip. All photos courtesy of Alpine Rafting, because we couldn't bring cameras on the trip ourselves I am very grateful that they take photos for us. 

Ryan our the guide (center in the back), Myself far back on the left,
and Ginna is far back on the right.

Call Me Maybe

So my blog is about taking chances and putting oneself out there, right? Well, I took my own advice, and took a risk to “Just Do It.”

I always tell guys to put themselves out there and just ask the girl. I like that old school romantic moment, when the guy asks a girl out. But why shouldn’t girls do the same? So, as much as I try to avoid asking someone, one must adapt to the times. It is a new age and girls should be just as forward as guys when they have an interest in someone.

So this situation felt a bit awkward; it was at a kids birthday party, one of those where the parents stay and hang out.

So when I arrived, my son takes off to play with his friend. We were at Riley Park (those who are not from here, it’s one of those open landscaped areas that has room to setup for BBQs, a playground, and a wading pool.). I started to chat with the birthday boy’s parents, held their baby for a bit, and met some of the other parents.  One parent looked familiar; let’s call him Tom. While I chatted with the birthday boy’s dad, Tom walked up. Just before the dad had a chance to introduce him, I spoke, “You look really familiar”. He said the same. Turns out he runs a restaurant, and is connected to some other people I know. So somewhere we probably had met but had never really chatted. However, we began a conversation.

We exchanged stories about what he does, and what I do. Interestingly enough, our conversation ended up lasting the entire 3.5 hours we were there. We talked about everything. He actually surprised me with how much we had in common. During our conversation, I did ask, which one is yours (meaning child). And it turns out, none of them. He was the birthday boy’s dad’s best friend. A single good looking guy, no kids, driven, artistic, polite, and he has a good job … at a kid’s birthday party?! One meets people in the strangest places and when you are really not looking.

One of those common factors between us is that we both haven’t been in a relationship for some time (like years) because we are both so busy with our careers. But you never know, right? If one is worth it, you make the effort.

So it was time to go and I was trying to round up my child. We were saying our goodbyes and in my head I was asking myself, is it even appropriate to ask this guy out at a kid’s party? I will be honest, I have no idea how to pick up someone in the first place. So I didn’t ask … but, I did pull out my card and said, “Well, here is my number. And we’ll see you again sometime,” and nervously turned to my kid and said, “Okay guys, see you later.” No chance for any response really; I just walked away.

It was that "Here's my number, Call Me Maybe" Carley Rae Jepsen hopeful moment. 

Did I leave that too open? I think he may have been interested. Especially how engaged in our conversation he had been. 3.5 hours is a long time to be engaged in conversation with only one person, when their best friend is right there too. He could have easily spent his day off with their family, not me.

At this point, I will disappoint … I didn’t hear from him. So C’est La Vie! Being the one to put myself out there was hard enough, and I am proud that I did. I consider it a lesson for the future.

Have you ever put yourself out there? How did you feel? Or are you on the other side, you took someone’s number after a long engaged conversation, and then you never followed up. What were your reasons? Not interested? Or time just passed ? I am always interested to hear the other side of the situation. 

To Date a Friend?

Today, I don’t have a date to refer to, but more a topic to discuss - the “friend zone”. You try and keep that male/female friendship just that, friends. But if you get along as well as you do, why can’t you be more? That is a question I wonder about so many times, especially when I have as many guy friends as I do. My opinion: I think it comes down to sexual chemistry.

Photo from IMDb - No Strings Attached

Sexual chemistry is so important. And not just so you can get your rocks off. However, if you have sexual chemistry you know you can always count on your partner feeding you the lines everyone likes to hear now and again. Including, “God Damn You are sexy!” Also if true chemistry is there then it keeps that trust between you and your mate in the long run.

The friend chemistry is SUPER important though. And I believe being friends with someone first, keeps that lust/honeymoon stage out of the way.  It also gives you a chemistry that sex can’t always fulfill. To me it also makes me feel more relaxed about myself. They already know I am a goof; they already know all the ins and outs of my moods because we never seem to hide that from true friends. There is no pressure when friendship comes first. You can communicate with friends easier.

How often can one be friends first? How do you turn a friend into something more? I really don’t have an answer to that question. Cause if that button is switched to friend mode, that’s it with me. I’m very black and white that way.

We all hope for a best friend in a partner, don’t we? Isn’t that where the term ‘partner’ comes from?  Do we risk dating a friend? Have they been in front of you all this time?

Photo from IMDb - Friends With Benefits

The movies “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached” are two recent movies that show this dilemma.  They are friends, they keep the sex part ‘an arrangement’, and there are no expectations that you would have if you went out on a first date. We put so much pressure on ourselves; we hold back information about who we really are, but in the end, the truth comes out. If only we could be straight up in the first place.

I leave you with an invite to give me your thoughts on dating a “friend”.  If you have an answer or an idea, I want to hear it. Share your thoughts! 

The Couch Guy

Photo from  PAPERMAG

So I may have said I wouldn’t go looking for anyone online, but online is where I found him. Well, I wasn’t exactly “looking” since it wasn’t an online dating site. This situation was completely unexpected and through a little online site you may have visited: www.kijiji.ca .

How did I meet a guy on there? I was cleaning the clutter out of my place, furniture and all. I posted some things on Kijiji, one piece was my couch (Nope not the one in the above picture, I just like this one better.)  . I received two email requests; one was eager to see it that day, as he was moving. So I made arrangements for him to come by to view it.

He came, he saw, he paid me cash to hold it until the day his movers could pick it up, as simple as that. We chatted when he stopped by, like we were old friends and not strangers, but I never thought anything of it. We texted and later talked on the phone, mainly to just rearrange the timing of the couch pick up. He was nice; he asked about my son’s hockey (happened to be a topic when he was looking at the couch). 

Two days later, he showed up with the movers. Thinking nothing of it, I was in my pajamas (pj bottoms and a hoodie), hair was a mess, and no makeup.  As he was leaving with the last couch pillow in hand, he turned around and says “So … would it be inappropriate if I were to call you when things settle down and I’m moved in, to ask you out for a coffee?”  In my head I’m thinking, “Um, what?”

Totally flattered, especially with the fact I am standing there like I just rolled out of bed, I replied, “Not inappropriate at all, and yes, yes, of course, you can.“ Pretty sure my cheeks were blushing bright red with a ‘what just happened?’ I was in shock; someone actually just old school asked me out. See ladies! There are some great guys out there! I just didn’t know I had to sell my furniture until one showed up at my door in order to meet one. LMAO

He did call, about two weeks later. We went out for dinner at UNA. We chatted for hours. Another day we even had a date on “The” couch. LoL, no, not like that, just chilling, watching a movie. But ironic, don’t you think?

However, the catch … isn’t there always one? The day he bought the couch, he was moving out of his fiancée’s place. They had just broken up, bad timing. I have to say though, he was so straight up honest with me about how much he truly liked hanging out with me, and would still like to be friends. I totally understood, and I TRULY appreciate his honesty; I didn’t want to be a rebound anyway. 

(BOYS – LESSON #1: Be straight. Don’t leave a girl wondering. We’d rather know the truth, rather than be left guessing or hurt when we find out it was all lies or have been led on! Just sayin’.)

We have hung out ever since, as friends. We have a great time, every time. Our conversations go on forever and they are refreshingly intelligent conversations.  Honestly, I like having him as a friend, now that we have gotten to know each other over time. To be honest, I don’t think we would be suited for each other as a couple. Our lifestyles, our goals, don’t really match. But he is good company, and a good friend to have.

All in all, I love the fact that opportunities abound everywhere! And kudos to those men who have the balls to just ask a girl out! (Which by the way he apparently was nervous as crap when he did, but he did it.)

Where was the oddest place/situation you have met someone?