When Lonely Kicks In

When the weather gets colder, the days seem shorter, because they are so damn dark most of the time, you find yourself spending more time indoors trying to figure out what to do with yourself. Lonely certainly kicks in. 

The summer days it's easy to entertain your single self, even just reading a book at the park with the dog. But the cold days, like the -18 and snowing it is today. You opt to stay in. But you've already been doing that for weeks since winter kicked in. And the holidays... Don't even get me started on how much they rub in how single you really are. They certainly do not help.  

So much time spent indoors, leaves more time to thinking, thinking that leads to questioning, and questioning that leads to feeling lonely. 

When that feeling kicks in, I begin to wonder if my thoughts are accurate? Accurate in the sense that is it lonely speaking or the truth? Do I really want someone in my life right now or someone to fill the void till spring hits! Lol 

I don't want to get caught in the lonely trap to then recognize what I was clearly missing in the beginning and go through heart ache months later (again and again) like a damn hamster wheel. I know I have discovered more about myself in the last year, let alone last few years, that I am more cautious to whom I'm looking to be with. I don't want someone for a few months, I want someone who has potential for so much longer than that. But lonely can be blinding. To hear the compliments you want to hear, to have the company you crave when your normally alone, to have someone to share your trials and tribulations with. Yes love. But how do you pass through the lonely fog to find someone who you could truly love and be with?

Maybe that is why I've avoided relationships for so long. Trying to define the difference between someone who is making you feel so good about yourself and just enjoying their company because they came in when you were lonely. Your relationship at first masked the truth until things got comfortable and then reality kicks in, you discover each other's flaws that you can't get over, etc. Versus someone who you actually fall in love with and can accept all their quirks and things, and the company they can deliver comes in any form. That's what true love is, isn't it? 

Everyone is so rushed these days, like fast food, even that is not even fast enough for people anymore. Same goes for when one is lonely, and the need to date, you fall into wanting the fast track to fixing the problem and get caught up in the unhealthy 'fast food' relationship rather than a real home cooked, made with love kinda meal, AKA relationship. 

Share your thoughts in the comments below, do you agree you've been caught up in the lonely fog? How did you discover the one you love today and that they weren't just filling the void? And please don't give me the 'you just know'. Lol 

Photo by Noleime on deviantart http://noleime.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-but-not-alone-109917696

On the first date?

As the title to this blog post sets the stage, that yes, I'm talking about sleeping with a guy/girl on the first date. Do you or don't you?

Have times changed enough that the judgment of doing so become more relaxed? Can you sleep with someone on the first date and not be seen as a slut or boom move on to someone else because they gave it up? Does this rule more apply to women or men? 

Okay enough questions about it, lets talk about. I think there are 2, well questionably 3 scenarios that come to mind when/if you sleep with your date on your first meet. 

1.  Depends on what kind of interaction you've had before this date (this kinda pertains to those who've you met through online). You've chatted a long time, weeks maybe before hand. Have a good sense of each other. You meet, the date was just as good as your conversations were before you met, maybe even better. If it comes to that part of the night and you are just both so into each other, you've already had this build up to this point before meeting. Go for it! Why not. What's the difference between the first date and the 3rd to sleep with them? It shouldn't change anything. 

2. You've met only a short bit before online, or however you met in person via friends, or whatever, but this is your first date with them. If you hit it off pretty well, and that tempting situation comes up. Why not?! We are all adults, and all cards should be on the table. Is she/he considered 'easy' because they did... in my opinion that is assuming they do that every first date and maybe she/he did because she felt the connection, but if you don't you judge. Is that a fair opinion?

3. a. Quick meet, sexual chemistry is there but maybe not long term potential. You're both single, make the call... And go for it. Have fun. But be clear, leaving the other to hang with possible intentions is just cruel and unnecessary. 

3. b. Or don't sleep with them, get to know them better and make a better judgement call without so much wine in you that you had to calm your nerves. Lol 

Here is a cute clip from an older film, 1989's The Tall Guy, of Emma Thompson's character (Kate) talking to Jeff Goldblum's character (Dextor) about sleeping with a guy on the first date.

The Tall Guy - Click on the image to see the clip
http://movieclips.com/kDmr-the-tall-guy-movie-first-date-with-kate/66.8/132.31

I guess my opinion in all this, if you want to, go for it. Its silly to be judged if you choose to the first night. besides, that is a part of someone you need to know about them as well. What if 3 dates or even 6 dates or more in and sex falls flat, its unattractive. That becomes an issue in the long run,  couples compatibility in the bedroom is just as important as their compatibility is in other areas of a relationship. But both parties should be clear. Either upfront or after. Don't leave anyone hanging, that's just unfair and we live in a society where truth needs to be more relevant than these old games people play. Seriously people, just lay your cards on the table with the next couple attempts at dates and see what the worst that can happen. I believe too many assume the worst/are too chicken to be honest and it really is kinda ridiculous.

What is your opinion?